My title is written in jest. I am not really depressed. Not seriously anyway.
Just maybe a little bit sad.
Today was an emotional day for me.
My youngest son, Jake, moved out. He’s a sophomore in college, but has been living at home attending Texas A&M in Galveston for the past 1 ½ years. But, tomorrow he starts classes at Texas A&M in College Station. It’s about a two hour drive from our house. I know I’ll still get to see him often.
But it’s been hard.
Harder than I thought it would be.
Many years ago, and I don’t remember where I heard this…..but I heard someone say that when their kids moved out they would be really sad…..for about 15 minutes…..and then they would be over it.
“Yep, that will be me too”, I thought to myself back then. Back when our house was full of two active, sometimes unruly, young boys.
It’s harder than I thought it would be.
When I talk to others who have already gone through this, they assure me I’ll feel better soon. And I’m sure they are right. I’ve never been a helicopter parent, or someone who lives through their kids.
And yet, I wonder if something else is going on here.
Maybe part of the reason I am sad is because I am crossing another milestone. I’ve raised my kids. I am getting older. This is my last year in my forties.
Maybe some of my sadness is feeling a little bit depressed about getting older. Turning forty never bothered me. But fifty? I think it might.
I find myself thinking, “When did I get to be this old? What happened?”
So, maybe my sadness today is about more than just watching my youngest drive off knowing that he may never move back home again. Kleenex please….. And thinking about my oldest, who is married and living in a different state. More tissues…. Maybe it’s about me realizing my kids are grown and I am entering that next phase in life.
I think that could be part of it.
Life is short.
And I am grateful for this life that I have been given. I’ve been blessed beyond what I deserve.
I’ve written about attitude before. Maybe I need an attitude check. I need to move from sadness to excitement about what the future holds. Traveling? Smile……Grandchildren? Smile bigger…..
Yes, I need to remind myself of all the joys still to come; with extended families and grandkids, and new adventures. After all, isn’t that what life is all about?
To be continued………
Written by: Connie Morgenroth
January 12, 2014